Aziz Ansari’s guide to dating by text: ‘We shud hang out sumtimez’ is a bad start

Aziz Ansari … to text or not to text?

Photograph: Reed Young for the Guardian

Excerpt from this article:

1. The generic ‘hey’ text Want to know what’s filling up the phones of nearly every single woman? It’s this: “Hey,” “Hey!” Heyyy!!” “Hey what’s going?” “Wsup,” “Wsup!” “What’s going on?” “Whatcha up to?” It seems like a harmless message to send, and I’ve sent a good number of them in my own dating life. However, seeing it from the other side is eye-opening. When your phone is filled with that stuff, generic messages come off as super dull and lazy. They make the recipient feel like she’s not very special or important to you

2. Endless back and forth So many people trying to make a connection wind up spending so much time typing and typing and trying to schedule things that, eventually, whatever spark may have been there diminishes. They go from enjoying the banter to trying to schedule something concrete, and all of a sudden they’re acting like secretaries. Another form, which is especially common among the younger gentlemen out there, emerges when a dude is just too shy to actually ask the other person to do something… I can’t tell you how many girls I met who were clearly interested in a guy who, instead of asking them out, just kept sucking them into more mundane banter with gems like, “So where do you do your laundry?” What follows are 10 back-and-forths about laundry detergent. (“Yeah, I recently switched to fragrance-free detergent. It’s been fantastic.”)

Update: Aziz Ansari and this research were recently featured on an episode of the popular podcast This American Life, which you can listen to here.

Romancing the Phone: Comedian Aziz Ansari has been touring the country collecting people’s text messages from when they first say hi, and ask each other out. Sociologist Eric Klinenberg wanted to study this raw data of the initial approach a man makes to a woman over text. So the two of them did a focus group at a comedy club in New York. Jonathan Menjivar tells what happened. Aziz and Eric co-wrote a book called Modern Romance. (12 1/2 minutes)

Another Update: Review of Aziz Ansari’s book here.

We learn the answer to one of the puzzling questions of our time: Why millennials do not like to answer the phone. Here it is, according to a woman they talked to: “Phone calls suck and they give me anxiety.”

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