How you start an email reveals a lot more about your intentions than you know. Common e-greetings for etiquette voodoo.
“Hey,” means you want something from me.
“Hey:” means you expect something from me.
“Greetings:” denotes that I signed up for your dreadful boutique’s mailing list in hopes of impressing somebody in the store, and now I resent all of the parties involved, myself most of all.
“Hello” signifies that you spent too much time thinking about everything that follows, or that you are high.
“Hi,” suggests you think you’re important.
“Hi!” means I’m going to delete your email without reading it.
“Dear,” expresses that—despite your outdated AOL address and the hundreds of forwarded conspiratorial rants in your Sent folder—this is only the third email you’ve ever sent and the details are better suited for our upcoming family get-together.